Konscious Vybz

Just my luck that things turned to sh*t…

2012-01-29T20:38:00.001-06:00

I realize it’s been a while since I last posted but things are in state of transition right now, and hopefully for the better. As part of that transition, I’m being a lot more organized in the way I do things, this blog included. So look for new post in the near future and on a more frequent basis, if not a predictable schedule.

Being organized isn’t foreign to me, but it’s been a while since we’ve been seen together. But with so many changes in the pipe it’s a good time for us to become reacquainted. I’m not and never will be a New Year’s resolution kind of guy so this wasn’t something that was planned as part of the whole cyclical new year ritual most people engage in. None of this was planned nor is it at all my decision or under my control. I guess it’s just my luck that things turned to shit when they did. Now, what does this all mean?

Changes! And a lot of them are apparently well overdue. Who knew? I admit I haven’t been oblivious just accepting, and that was a mistake. I’ve been walking through life with my eyes wide shut, fully aware but content to just be content and never putting myself first. But my eyes are completely open now and that didn’t happen in a gentle way. More like someone held me down and tore my eye lids away from my skull, and that shit hurt like hell. But now, I not only see everything very clearly, but I am no longer able to, as I’ve done for so long, selectively close my eyes to the things I would rather pretend I didn’t know.

Now changes are inevitable, whether I wanted them or not, and I’m determined that those changes will all be for the better. Part of being better is being a lot more prepared and organized, and making more time for all the things that matter to me. Some of them I’ve always given my best to and that will not change. But there are many others I haven’t given much thought or attention for a very long time. My writing is just one example. It (among others) matters a great deal to me, so expect to see a lot more of it from now on. If I’m lucky, it may even start to matter to you as well.

Thanks for all the support… Be well!

- Konscious Vybz

Merry Christmas

2011-12-25T17:53:00.001-06:00

Merry Christmas! Seems strange to be posting this close to the end of the day, but the truth is I didn't have an entry planned. These are some impromptu ramblings.

I hope you all had a good Christmas day. All your gifts have been opened, the food eaten, and new memories made with family and friends. Here we are in a holding pattern. But considering that lots of people this year aren't having a very Merry Christmas I won't complain. Doesn't mean I can't talk about it :).

I'm grateful to not have to do any of the cooking this holiday. The cooking I assume has been going on since dawn, but there's little evidence of that so far and no one has yet eaten. I expect then that everything will be extremely fresh. I didn't see it for myself but I suppose the chicken started today like any other, not knowing it would be it's last. And after a good chase will now grace the dinner table. Maybe the veggies, potatoes, and assorted seasonings had to be harvested from the garden before they could be prepared. Maybe the table cloth and napkins had to be woven from fresh shavings of wool or newly picked cotton, the pots and pans formed from scratch, the grapes picked and pressed to make the wine and the cheese made from fresh cow's milk. I don't know... Maybe...
But, I won't complain. Most people have had a very merry christmas indulging in gifts and too much food. Today, I spend my Christmas fasting. By the time we sit down for Christmas dinner, the day will be over. This will be more of an after Christmas meal. But it's more than many other people will have had this year. I fasted but I knew my next meal was on the way and would eventually be here, while so many others still wonder when their next meal may possibly be.

In the end, this holiday isn't about what you see in the commercials. It's not about the presents under the tree or needless gorging on too much food. Maybe too much emphasis has been placed on everything else? Maybe that's why this dinner today has taken so long. As ridiculous as my ramblings may be, that's about how ridiculous I think it is to make such a fuss over this holiday if we forget the true meaning of Christmas in the process. So I say again, I won't complain. But that doesn't mean I can't talk about it... :).

Happy Holidays to you all!

-Konscious Vybz
"The possession of power unavoidably spoils the free use of reason."
Sent via Blackberry

Involuntary Squirrel Slaughter

2011-12-06T13:04:00.001-06:00

About five minutes after waking that Sunday morning, I knew I wasn’t going to have a good day, in fact I felt the entire week was going to be crap if karma had anything to say about it. That’s because I found myself standing over the bodies of two dead squirrels in the back yard. Despite my best intentions they were in fact dead and it was all my fault.

One of the things I love most about where we live is the ample space between neighbors. You don’t have to worry about them being so close they can sit in their living room and watch your TV. But a couple years ago we opted to have a privacy fence installed just the same. It turns out that privacy would have an unexpected consequence: squirrels in the attic.

If you’ve ever lived in a lower level apartment with people trampling on the roof above you, it’s a little like that except it sounds like they’re scratching tile with claws so it’s a hell of a lot more annoying. It was purely by chance that I found out they were squirrels up there and not mice as I first suspected. I came home from work one day and happened to park outside in the driveway as I was heading back out shortly. As I sat gathering my stuff, I noticed a squirrel running across the top of the fence, hop onto the roof (not a far jump from there now), and enter the attic through a hole I would later find they burrowed into the eaves. What’s worse, when I saw that little bastard I got out of the car and stood watching in disbelief, and I swear he paused and looked at me before darting in. I felt as if he had just given me the middle finger, if squirrels had fingers.

Now the problem was identified, time for a solution and my first instinct was to call a professional. Turns out most pest control services don’t handle this kind of job. But they must get asked about this a lot because they quickly recommended someone to call. Didn’t care who did it I just wanted it done. From what I read online they aren’t just noisy and annoying they can do a lot of damage while they’re nesting up there, and I didn’t want to wait to come home one day and find them chilling on the sofa eating my food and watching my TV.

I called a local company and I’ve never had hemorrhoids but I think I came close after talking with them, because my ass hurt thinking how they tried to bend me over and stick it to me without even a hint of lubrication. As if it’s my fault those squirrels chose my attic. It wasn’t so much that it was going to be expensive. I expected as much! What bothered me was how uncertain their pricing schedule seemed, how open it was for interpretation, and how likely it would be for them to easily tack on additional costs as they go. For instance, for the first two weeks they planned to set a trap. disappear and have me monitor it to let them know if it caught anything. This first two weeks was an altogether separate charge and for what they were charging they should be driving out to check the trap themselves daily I think, but instead I would have homework. This isn’t freakin’ college man! After those two weeks they get to discuss how much more I have to spend if they need to set the trap for longer, and after that more discussion about what to do next and how much that costs, and blah blah blah! I’m not an expert which is why I called them, but that doesn’t sound like a good way to negotiate any sort of business transaction. I’m not sure what I was expecting exactly. Maybe for them to come out and check to at least see if I had a squirrel problem as I suspected? You know, verify that I have what I say I have before they set traps. Maybe look at the damage they’ve done so far, use their expertise to see if there are other areas where they are getting into the attic? Give me an idea of how serious they think the problem might be, what sort of damage they may have already caused? Or at least let me know if I should be worried about one squirrel or a whole scurry of them. I only knew that I wanted this handled and if I had to call them it should be because something bad happened. More importantly I wanted something concrete and in writing (have to CYA) and they weren’t willing to come out, take a look at what my problem was and at least try to do that, so I wasn’t willing to do business with them.

So as it turns out I had to do homework after all, and found a company called Havahart (as in have a heart?) that makes traps and cages for just such occasions, probably the same ones used by the pros. I was then able to get a medium sized trap (for larger animals) and a brand new ladder at the local Home Depot, for less than their two week hand job. Great, but I’m not a pro so the trap sat in the garage for quite some time, mainly because I was skittish about going up on that roof to set it up. I wasn’t afraid to get up on the roof, I was only afraid of falling off. I live in the middle of nowhere, and chances are if I fall none of my not-so-close neighbors would hear the thud when my ass hits pavement, so I could be lying there for a really long time in tons of pain. With my luck my fat ass would probably land on my phone smashing it so I couldn’t even call 911. And since I had also noticed a wasp’s nest form right under the eaves where I wanted to set my trap I knew this was a very likely scenario after all.

Then a few weeks ago I finally decided I’d had enough. I got up on the roof to set the trap and baited it with fresh apples covered in peanut butter. The good organic kind too since that’s all I buy these days. Damn that bugged me, because if they’re anything like humans they’d probably prefer the cheap stuff that’s loaded with sugar, like Jif. If this worked I’d feel a lot better and it would have been worth it though.

About two days go by with no results. To make matters worse, I was outside in the driveway looking up at the trap on the roof and I saw the squirrel sitting on the roof close to the trap. It could have been just my imagination, but he or she had a look of “I’m not stupid, I’m not getting in there!”, and after a minute or so he headed into the attic completely ignoring the trap. Now I’m really discouraged! But, I might as well ride this thing out. Then the very next morning, success! The trap door was closed and there he was. I did a happy dance as if I had won something. Now I trapped him, what next? I hadn’t really thought that far before now. I called the local animal control, got voicemail and left a message. A couple hours later I got a call back.

“What do you guys recommend at the best way to handle a trapped squirrel?” I asked.

“You’ve got him trapped already?” asked the gentleman on the other end.

“Yes, he’s just sitting in the cage outside now.”

“You can just bring it to us and we will take care of it for you. Do you know where we’re located?” Then he proceeded to explain how to get to their offices in town. Awesome, but they’re all the way in town. I wasn’t planning on going into town until tomorrow, so I will wait until then. He had plenty of food left and the weather would be really nice the next couple days so he should be fine.

The next morning was a Sunday and I was anxious to get this over with. I went to check on the trap, it was teetering on the edge of the roof from the squirrel banging it around trying to escape. A bit longer it might have fallen to the ground and he could’ve escaped. I better get this guy out of here before it’s too late. I looked up animal control again… closed on Sundays… shit! Then I remembered a spot on the way to town that’s just open fields and a pond, where people go for walks and ride their bikes, and squirrels and other animals are roaming freely, far enough into town that I don’t think he would ever find his way back here. So I headed into town, squirrel in trap in trunk. When I got there, I parked and got the trap out of the car, released the door then stepped back. Off he went to checkout his new crib. I had done a good deed and this felt good.

The noises in the attic weren’t all gone, which means there was more work to be done. Wednesday of that week I was outside in the front yard with my son when we noticed a squirrel run by and stop at the front door. My son is too young to know better and he gives chase for a closer look while I follow to make sure he doesn’t get too close. Squirrel takes off toward the side of the house. At first my son follows but then he hears the next door neighbor’s dog barking and his attention is shifted. While he’s distracted by the dog, I stop just behind him and turn around to see where the squirrel might have run off to, if maybe there’s another point of entry to the attic that I’m not aware of.

Well he hadn’t run off in fact, he was sitting staring at me. I wasn’t moving toward him or anything but apparently he didn’t like the way I was looking at him, or maybe I figured I was the one who trapped his pal not long ago. Either way, that squirrel went gangsta and charged at me! No joke! First I thought, “This isn’t really happening right? Wait, squirrels attack? Really?” Well this one did and that’s all I knew. Instincts took over and as soon as he reached near my leg I kicked him back, just hard enough to turn him away rather than to harm. He then took off into the back yard. I started to laugh at first but then I was angry when I realized he could have charged at my son. NOW THINGS GOT SERIOUS!

Later that night I told a friend about what happened, and they suggested I get a bb gun at Walmart. It would have been easy to do that especially in anger but that just didn’t seem right. Besides, a bb gun with a kid running around is probably not a smart move. No, I would just have to keep setting the trap. I was NOT looking forward to going back on that damn roof! Ironically I’d get my wish on that.

The next morning, now Thursday, I’m home alone sitting in the living room and I hear this banging outside on my window. “WTF is that!?!” I thought. There has been a serious increase in home invasions lately (another topic for discussion later) so I didn’t know what to expect but I decided to see for myself. And in the backyard I saw two squirrels, one on the ground below the window and another climbing down from the roof using the screen on my window for traction. I was able to scare them off, and now I had a new plan on where to set the trap. I’d set it right there by that very same window.

At least it wasn’t a robber, right?

I got a couple apples, cut them up and smothered them in peanut butter. I set a couple pieces outside on the ground then put two big halves inside the cage itself. Now it’s up to fate.

I checked the trap later that evening and no luck. Food looked untouched. By Friday afternoon though, success. I got real lucky too as they both got trapped in the cage at once. Guess they enjoyed the apples with peanut butter and maybe were racing to see who could get the next piece first. I was headed into town later but I wouldn’t be able to take them then because of previous plans. So I decided to do it the next day instead. The weather was still good and there was still plenty of food left in the cage so they would be fine until then.

Bright and early Saturday morning I checked on my inmates and they were doing just fine. Still had more than half the food left. Before long though the day got real crazy real fast, and as the day wore on I started feeling ill and very tired. Bottom line I forgot about them and went to bed real early that evening which, if you know me almost never happens. When I finally woke up it was around 5 a.m. Sunday morning now and the sun was barely but they were the first thing on my mind. It had been very cold that night too. So I ran out to the backyard to check on them but sadly I was too late. The food was now all gone and so were they, laying there motionless. At that instant I felt a bit empty. If I had remembered the night before I could have put them in the garage and put more food in the cage to hold them over. Man, this was a really shitty way to go, and a really shitty way to start Thanksgiving week.

Remember that friend who suggested the bb gun? I called to tell them what was new with my uninvited guests. I know they’re just squirrels but the whole point of trapping them was to get rid of them in a safe and humane way. After hearing the story, they laughed out loud, no so much at the fact that the squirrels were dead, but at me for feeling sorry for them.

“Murderer!” they kept saying. “Squirrel murderer!” in between bouts of laughter. “What are you feeling bad about? At least you know they ain’t coming back.” More laughter. “Haven’t you ever run over a squirrel or some other animal before?”

”That’s way different!” I said. “They shouldn’t be in the middle of the road, and if you’re small enough to fit under my tire and stupid enough to be in it’s way, that’s not my fault.” That’s not cruel people, that’s practical and sensible. Many of the roads here are two lane highways with no shoulder and you are likely to come across any number of larger animals that would do serious damage if you ran into them. So I’m not running into a ditch risking serious injury or even death to avoid running over a squirrel, possum, rabbit, raccoon, or anything else small enough to not do some damage and that’s not likely a household pet. To me, that’s a blessing in disguise. “Besides” I continued “that’s a quick death”.

”You committed squirrel slaughter!” came the next accusation, followed of course by… you guessed it, more and more impassioned laughter!

I have to admit that by now, I was laughing too. I really didn’t mean to harm those little guys. I can’t be certain just yet that my squirrel problem is now solved so I will keep setting traps for another couple weeks after which, if I haven’t caught any others I can see about doing some repairs. I can’t make any repairs until I’m absolutely sure, because they will find a way out and most likely it will be through my ceiling right into the house. At least it’s winter. The only thing that sucks more about being in the attic is being up there in the summer. In the meantime, I’m holding on to that cage and hoping karma doesn’t bite me in the ass on this one.

- Konscious Vybz

Black Friday Frenzy

2011-11-28T01:08:00.001-06:00

It’s been about a month now since my last post, and even then really it was just a couple pics of a sign I came across while at the Pumpkin patch out in Tennessee for Halloween. For the record I ignored their warning about people of exceptional size and bounced my ass all over that contraption. There’s a lot of cardio involved there if you don’t believe me just give it a try for yourself.

I’ve had a lot to say the past month I just haven’t been in the sharing mood. It has nothing to do with this time of year either in fact quite the contrary. I usually like this time of year, the period from around Thanksgiving thru to the new year. Like it, not love it! I enjoy it very much, but I never get in the “Christmas spirit” as some do. I’ve been called a Grinch because I choose to enjoy the holidays in a way which deviates from what most people come to expect. I don’t get excited about hanging Christmas lights outside in fact I consider them a waste of time and money. They’re a health (if you fall and break something while trying to put them up) and fire hazard too. I like having a Christmas tree and getting it decorated and that’s about the only place I want my Christmas lights to be. So what if the neighbors can’t see how much I love Christmas? My Christmas isn’t about putting on a show for them. In general I’m not what most people expect and I’ve always been ok with that. Why should the holidays be any different? Who came up with those expectations anyway? What drives the preconception that the holidays have to be celebrated in a particular spectacular fashion?

This year has been a difficult one, but still this Thanksgiving I had a lot to be thankful for. One of the things I’m most thankful for is that I’m not one of those people who easily gets caught up in the Black Friday hype. The holidays of course are all about marketing, and especially this year when the economy is in the toilet and people are more desperate for a great deal to spend what little money they may have for the holidays this year, the marketing machine was in full effect once again. You want to know where our expectations for the seasons originated well there you go. Everything about the holidays are designed to drive the money machine, to make us spend more than we need to or sometimes have. Even I almost got swindled by it this year.

For instance, when they first came out I wanted a Blackberry Playbook so badly, but once the reviews were in and I thought enough about what it had to offer and what I really wanted out of a tablet I wanted it less and less. From a technical specifications stand point it’s one impressive device. But for the price and what it offers, or rather what it doesn’t, it makes no good sense. So when I saw that they had dropped the prices by $300 for Black Friday sales I almost fell for it. But even at $299 now for the lowest priced offering it still lacks access to good apps and native email support (you have to tether it to a Blackberry for email which so completely ridiculous imho). Sure these are planned as part of a software update early next year. Assuming the upgrade comes out in a timely fashion if at all, and that it actually works well, in the meantime I’d be stuck with a $300 paperweight.

I hate Black Friday! I hate it because it brings out the worst in people, the part of them we all know exists but prefer to never see. Several years ago I found myself out shopping on Black Friday, and it was not a conscious decision. Since then I’ve made it a conscious decision to not go out shopping at all. I remember it was a beautiful day for the time of year and I was home bored most of the morning but headed out that afternoon to find a DVD player to gift someone for Christmas. I made the mistake while I was at the store of browsing: you know, looking at stuff you don’t necessarily plan to buy. As I was browsing I saw something fairly interesting and was about to reach for it to have a closer look. The truth is I don’t even remember what the item was probably because I wasn’t nearly that interested in the first place. What I do remember is that as I reached for it I got shoulder blocked football style by and an old lady determined to have it instead. She then gave me this “you’re supposed to move” look. So I smiled and stepped aside, and she grabbed it and took off without even so much as a thank you.

Yes, people take their Black Friday shopping seriously, but not I. People do, but not nearly as seriously as the retailers. Every year they hype up this dreadful day more and more, and despite the number of consumers who do dumb things for a shot at those bargains, the many who will ultimately find themselves injured, robbed, or worse killed because of it, they do it bigger and bigger each year. After all, people have a whole year to forget about those unfortunate few, and at the end of the day the dollar is worth a lot more than a few casualties along the way. Don’t believe me? Have you seen the news lately? Black Friday sales in the billions, retailers doing far better this year than they did last. A lot of people had already decided they weren’t spending much this holiday because the economy is so terrible and so many are still without work. Yet somehow they managed to convince those people that there’s at least one deal out there they simply can’t pass on. I know because I almost got caught up in the web too.

This was never for the consumers to begin with. People are more easily manipulated when there’s chaos and mass hysteria so things will likely stay the same or get worse each year. And the deals being offered in many cases are not even to begin with. Here’s an analogy most everyone can relate to. This is the same thing that has happened with the gas prices. The prices were driven so high for a time that now we are thankful to pay less than $4/gallon and some of us no longer recall anymore that we used to pay about $1.50/gallon not that long ago. Many retailers do the same thing this time of year. I watched the prices for a few items I’ve been interested in go up over the past few months leading up to Black Friday, when these same items were offered up as specials at a huge discount, in some cases still more expensive that I had seen them for in the past. Some items are seasonal and simply cost more at different times of year, or are affected by demand or a number of other factors. The point is I don’t have to stand in line outside a local electronics retailer for 12 hours to get a good price on a big screen TV. I can probably get the same TV for about the same price early next year when the new model is released. Until then I’m content to spend the time instead with family and friends, a few of the things I’m most thankful for this year.

Reason #31 to get your butt to the gym!!!

2011-10-26T23:30:00.001-05:00

Tuna In Water?

2011-10-18T14:27:00.001-05:00

This really annoys me. I grabbed a can of tuna this morning. Why can’t manufacturers be more honest in their advertising? As a general rule I read the labels on most everything I buy, but I don’t always have time. And for most people if they use a product often enough they get comfortable enough to simply grab and go. Some products that I buy often, I still check the labels from time to time to make sure the ingredients. Why? Over the years I’ve seen labels change where one or more ingredients are added or removed. There are also those instances where the quantity is less but the size of the container remains the same. Or the per serving amount is altered to make the numbers seem better than they really are.

However, what is annoying me this morning is a lot simpler and easier to catch, IF you’re looking for it. Take a look at this:

Now, that says Starkist Solid White Albacore Tuna IN WATER. The IN WATER is clear, right? Now take a look at the ingredients list on the back of the same can:

Can you see what I’ve tried to highlight in red? This can contains vegetable broth and soy. Now, I’m not a chef, but if you add vegetable broth to water, I’m assuming the two liquids will combine so, is it still water? You are so right! You could argue that they didn’t say it was in pure water. You got me there! But understand that there’s no way to tell what’s IN the vegetable broth they used so why aren’t the ingredients for that at least listed in enclosed brackets? I think that information could be useful. This is probably the source of the soy but we really don’t know. It doesn’t say it’s manufactured in a facility that processes and MAY contain soy, it says it’s in there. At least they’ve included that information, if only we would read the label. So, if you’re allergic to soy you may want to be aware. This product is clearly not IN WATER if you ask me. In watered down vegetable broth, yes, but in water, absolutely not. The last time this tuna was IN WATER it was probably still alive, and that wasn’t pure water either .

Let me just say that Starkist is NOT the only offender here, and I buy their products often. I singled them out because It’s what I’m making to eat right now, because I happen to read the label today and apparently I never did before, and because the can of albacore tuna is significantly more expensive than a regular can so you don’t always get better because you pay more. I won’t be buying this product again. This however, also from Starkist, I will buy as long as the ingredients remain unchanged.

And the ingredients couldn’t be simpler:

Yellow fin tuna, and extra virgin olive oil. Pour off any extra olive oil (and there’s usually not much in the packet they’ve done a great job with this) and add it to salad or whatever you prefer. I use EVOO for most everything that requires oil these days so I’m good with this.

- Konscious Vybz

Netflix Sucks–Update

2011-10-18T07:43:00.001-05:00

Got this email from Netflix last week…

Dear <>,

It is clear that for many of our members two websites would make things more difficult, so we are going to keep Netflix as one place to go for streaming and DVDs.

This means no change: one website, one account, one password…in other words, no Qwikster.

While the July price change was necessary, we are now done with price changes.

We're constantly improving our streaming selection. We've recently added hundreds of movies from Paramount, Sony, Universal, Fox, Warner Bros., Lionsgate, MGM and Miramax. Plus, in the last couple of weeks alone, we've added over 3,500 TV episodes from ABC, NBC, FOX, CBS, USA, E!, Nickelodeon, Disney Channel, ABC Family, Discovery Channel, TLC, SyFy, A&E, History, and PBS.

We value you as a member, and we are committed to making Netflix the best place to get your movies & TV shows.

Respectfully,

The Netflix Team

Guess they’re listening to their customers after all? Let’s hope so. It’s been a week and they haven’t changed their minds so that’s a good sign.

- Konscious Vybz

Painless but you're still bleeding out!

2011-10-18T01:42:00.001-05:00

I see these commercials all the time now. So many banks on TV offering a sort of automatic savings plan linked to your checking account and check card usage frequency. The same check cards these same banks now plan to charge monthly fees for use. How do these work? Generally they round up the dollar amount on a transaction and transfer the difference to your savings. Or they transfer a dollar from your checking to savings account each time you use your card. Sounds convenient, even good right? Building savings without thinking too much about it. This is what some would call a painless way to save.

With most every bank deciding to charge a monthly fee for using your check card, chances are those savings will come in real handy at the end of each month. Assuming you remember to keep track of all these added deductions from your checking account with each instance of card use and you won't miss those extra dollars and cents when you need to pay one more bill. Basically this is no way to save for people who really need savings, those who may be living paycheck to paycheck and have to pay very close attention to how they spend their money each month. Yet, these are the people who are targeted here in these commercials. If you aren't watching these little deductions being drafted from your checking account you may find that you've saved simply to pay overdraft fees. Those cents add up quickly which is why this seems like such a good idea to save. It's the same reason why gas prices always have the .009 cent at the end. Those fractions add up faster than you expect.

If you are lucky enough to make this work for you though, and find a way to actually save, congratulations! Now your bank wants the rest of your money for themselves too. Maybe you're saving enough to pay their monthly check card fees. What? That's not what you were hoping to spend your savings on? You could stop using your check card, but you have to use it for the savings plan to work for you. So plan to pay for the convenience of using your check card, in order to save a little each month. Plan on deducting that monthly fee from your monthly savings. That seems circular to me. Painless? About as painless ass, I don't know, not saving? Maybe I need the pain of saving the old fashioned way because it seems the banks are the only ones who really benefit... certainly painless for them.

-Konscious Vybz
"The possession of power unavoidably spoils the free use of reason."
Sent via Blackberry

Rule #6–If you can’t fall asleep, lay there anyway :)

2011-10-18T01:35:00.001-05:00

Sometimes you’re better off just leaving well enough alone. If your first thought is “How hard can it be?”, chances are it won’t end well. Luckily, when it comes to sleep deprivation, I’m a professional .

Since I wasn’t getting any sleep, I decided to upgrade the hard drive in my laptop. That shouldn’t be too hard, right? Remove a couple screws, pop the old one out, pop the new one in, all done. Not so fast. I love everything about this laptop, ‘til now. This is what was required for my simple task to be completed…

And the worst part? Already I’m not sure I’m happy with the upgraded drive. Sure it’s more space, went from 300GB to 500GB, but the system seems slower somehow. Will give it a week or two and make some more observations. Could be I just need to get to bed and check this out again with fresh eyes. Like I said, I’m a professional, so at least nothing’s broken. It also means I know when to quit… usually.

But with my luck and history, something tells me I will be doing this again in the near future, only this time, I will be putting back the old hard drive.

- Konscious Vybz

Thanks Steve, I understand what I need to do…

2011-10-11T01:51:00.001-05:00

I grabbed this photo from the Apple website of course. Like most people I was saddened by Steve Jobs passing last week. Steve firmly believed that you should live your life doing what you love, and if you didn’t know what that was rather than settle never give up searching for it. More importantly he lived his life this way and now his life, though cut short, serves as a shining example to the rest of us.

I remember when I first got interested in computers, and my first experience with Apple, how much I loved the Apple IIc. Unlike the Tandy PCs which were real popular in school back then they simply worked and were functional as well as aesthetically pleasing. These days my wife and I both use Macs though I use Windows and Linux primarily. But the Mac is by far the most intuitive and user friendly. Things simply make sense. I would even go as far as to say that Apple and their products have been good for my marriage. Why? Again, they are easy to use and more often than not they simply work.

When her crappy mp3 player gave out guess what? Ipod saved the day. When her brand new Motorola phone turned out to be a piece of shit that broke apart after a couple months, AT&T said that wasn’t covered under the warranty because it was not considered normal wear and tear. That’s right, you get a flip phone it’s totally abnormal to flip it open and shut to use the fucking thing. Got a replacement anyway and it turned out to be a piece of shit right out of the box when it wouldn’t charge. Got the run around from AT&T about returning it (I won’t talk about AT&T service that’s several blog entries on its own) and guess what? Iphone to the rescue. She’s been happy ever since, and that old Motorola is still sitting in a box of junk somewhere. One desktop and 2 laptops over the years gave all sorts of headaches. The last laptop still had issues even after Dell sent a technician out 4 or 5 times, and every component was either replaced or upgraded (the upgrades were by me not Dell after they refused to troubleshoot it any further) except for the LCD screen. They even replaced the palm rest with one that was refurbished. By refurbished, I mean they took an old used one and sanded it down with sand paper so it looked clean. Now whenever you rest your palm on it, you feel like your hand is resting on sand paper. They never did replace it after several complaints either. Then after a failed backup (absolutely my fault) and losing several gigabytes of data, guess what? Macbook to the rescue, while that Dell was donated to the burn pile at work on hazardous waste day . And the more Apple products she got the more flawlessly they worked together and the happier my life got. Sweet!

Steve was a visionary, more importantly, he gave life to his vision and shared it with the rest of us. I agree with Steve. I believe that a short life in the pursuit of true happiness (even if never really achieved) has to be more fulfilling than a long one pretending you are happy. I believe it but I haven’t been living it. Life is complicated, and there’s the propensity for us to overcomplicate it because there’s the expectation that things should be convoluted. So we tire easily fighting unnecessary wars against ourselves, we get weary, worn out, lose faith and hope, and soon we start to lie to ourselves and rationalize as we make compromises and find ourselves settling. Things get too tough and we get comfortable, complacent, and careless because it’s easier than constantly fighting. Our goals change, not because we have bigger dreams but because no one wants to keep chasing dreams they don’t actually believe are attainable anymore. We find the convenient version of happiness.

Most of the time we delineate our happiness by a measure of others’ expectations. It is more important to seem happy and successful than to actually be. And maybe everyone else would be happy to be where you are, but are you? Are you really happy? Is your life the white picket fence with 2.5 kids a family pet and a fuel efficient hybrid in the driveway? Is it wrong to want more than the average person? Not everyone is exceptional, some people in fact are merely average. Is that you? And if so, are you as average as you can be or are you still somehow far less than your average potential? Think about it! You haven’t even mastered being average. How sad is that shit?

I didn’t know him of course, but my impression of Steve following his career over the years is that he didn’t care so much if the world thought he was wrong when he already knew he was right. He had his vision and was committed to it fully, and he stayed committed until he knew what was needed to see it though, even if the rest of us didn’t quite understand. He would approve every decision in the process. He would never approve of close enough or be happy with almost there. He would never approve of settling for the convenient version of happiness. I’ve compromised for so long I don’t remember anymore what I really love. I did it to hold on to the people and things I love that I have now. I found happiness and lost myself trying to maintain it. I found a place where I said yes, this is enough happiness for me to get by, close enough to my real dream so I will be ok. I became a shell of the person I’ve always been, or that I always had the potential to be.

I tease my wife all the time about this. I asked her once while we were having a heated argument why she fell in love with me, why she married me. Without skipping a beat she said “Because you had potential!” At the time, I was offended by her response, because it was not the oversentimental cookie cutter response I was expecting. Just goes to show you shouldn’t ask questions you’re not prepared to know the real answers to. But the more I’ve thought about that and had time to reflect on it, she is absolutely right. I was a completely different person back then, full of potential and so sure of myself, so sure of where I was going and the things I wanted to do. Now, I’m not that guy anymore. I’m not the guy she fell in love with at all. And that’s not her fault, it’s not anyone’s fault but my own. When you’re not really happy with the way things are or love what you do, you don’t love yourself and it starts to affect the rest of your life. The longer you live the lie, the harder it is to correct, and the bigger the potential risk for severe damage the longer it takes to make that change. If you’re going to risk it all anyway, wouldn’t you prefer risking it to be truly happy?

- Konscious Vybz

Wash Instructions for Men

2011-10-01T09:34:00.001-05:00

This jeans company obviously isn't interested in repeat customers.

-Konscious Vybz
"The possession of power unavoidably spoils the free use of reason."
Sent via Blackberry

Still

2011-09-28T05:22:00.001-05:00

I’ve always loved this song

I’ve been doing a bit of house cleaning lately, literally and figuratively. In literal terms, I’ve made a conscious decision to go through the things I have around the house and get rid of the clutter and useless junk. We don’t always realize what we have, the things we tend to hold on. If you started cleaning out your attic, or closet, that box underneath your bed, or that trunk in the back room hidden in a corner under all sorts of junk, what would you find? Memories! Some things we hang on to sort of by default, because we never got around to throwing it out. Other things we hang on to with intent and the moment we see it again, it’s like hitting rewind on a favorite song to live that memory again.

Before I moved from New York several years ago I was living with my parents and much of what I had remained with them. Partly because I couldn’t bring it with me to a college dorm, but also for the comfort in knowing that if anything happened I still had a place to call home. A few years after my parents moved from New York as well, and my personal effects were packed, labeled (for me), and shipped in my absence. I always loved the fact that my parents respected our privacy as kids, as long as we understood that there was no real expectation of privacy. It was a courtesy not a right! As long as we treated it as such then we had as much privacy as we needed. So I wasn’t worried about someone else packing my things. Once I got them though and saw everything I had, I realized that I was maybe comfortable because I also hadn’t recalled exactly what I left behind . Like a lot of the memories hidden around the house now, I simply tucked those items away in a corner of my home and my mind.

I came across one of those memories recently. A song! It’s an imitation really, and not in a polemical sense so I hesitate to call it a parody, though that is what it is. I had written this song about one of my ex-girlfriends. Notice I said about, not for. As I read it I was immediately transported to the memory of that night when I put those words to paper for the first time and how it came to be. As if I were sitting in a theatre watching that instance of my life play out on the big screen. And the story, the song, it’s not about her, it never was. It was about life and disappointment, about the tragedy of realizing that you’ve been wrong or wronged and the need to let go and move one. It was about life lessons, the disappointments and the tragedy of being invested in circumstances that aren’t right for us. And it was about my love for writing… and for music… things I’ve rediscovered recently and are exploring in part through this blog.

I remember the night I wrote those words. I sat in my room listening to the radio, LiteFM WLTW in NYC. I had a blank cassette in my radio like I always did in case I heard something on the radio I wanted to record for later. This is just how we did it back then before the days of CDs. I remember it was really late at night, or very early the next morning depending on your point of view, and the lights were off and the music was playing just loud enough to drown out the noise of cars occasionally going by on the street outside my window but not so loud as to disturb anyone else’s sleep. I heard the start of Lionel Richie’s Still, a song I really love and almost as a reflex reaching over in the darkness with ninja-like precision I hit the record and play buttons at once. Excellent! Caught it before the singing started… feeling pretty good about that. Now I just had to listen. So I closed my eyes and found myself singing along for a bit because, well, with some songs you just can’t help yourself. I knew the lyrics well, and I sang along as softly as I could…

Lady, morning’s just a moment away
And I’m without you once again
You laughed at me
You said you never needed me
I wonder if you need me now

So many dreams that flew away
So many words we didn’t say
Two people lost in a storm
Where did we go? Where’d we go?
We lost what we both had found
You know we let each other down
But then most of all, I do love you
Still

We played the games that people play
We made our mistakes along the way
Somehow I know deep in my heart
You needed me
’Cause I needed you so desperately
We were too blind to see
But then most of all, I do love you
Still

Now, these are some of the best lyrics ever written for any song if you ask me, but as I sang I started thinking about my most recent breakup still fresh in my mind from a few days before. I found myself thinking this song is perfect, it just isn’t perfect for what I’m going through right now. The lyrics, they give her way too much credit, and they give the impression that neither one wants to walk away. But I for one was sure it was time to move on. So as soon as the song was done recording, I stopped the tape, turned on the light, and grabbed my notebook to write my own version of this classic, a version that would more reflect of how break-ups often go in real life, where one hurts more than the other dude to disappointment and distrust. The fucked and the fucker if you will! And I was the fucked so I would write the lyrics from that point of view. A little more than an hour later, this is what I came up with…

Lately, I find myself all alone
Spending many nights at home
Since you left me
It’s been so hard to carry on
Regrets, how you did me wrong

You played your games right from the start
And in the end you broke my heart
I never thought that this could be
You leaving me
I hoped that we could work things out
But you don’t know what love’s about
So I just let you go, though I love you
Still

So many years spent loving you
So many hard times we pulled through
I can’t believe that this could be
You leaving me
And I’ve never been so hurt before
Now you’re not mine anymore
So I just let you go, though I love you
Still

I wrote this such a long time ago, and never with the intent to share it with anyone else, but here it is. Love it or leave it I don’t care. I didn’t write it for you, I wrote it for me, and it was exactly what I needed that night. In some ways, it’s also what I needed right now. No, I’m not going through a breakup. So many things are changing for me right now, changes that are needed as I got too comfortable for too with the mere appearance of a happy life. For me this was reminder that disappointments are simply a fact of life. You’re only fucked if you let that define you and wallow in self pity and regret rather than accept, learn from it and then move on to the next chapter.

So I just let go…

-Konscious Vybz

Netflix sucks! Why? Because people like instant gratification!

2011-09-24T11:33:00.001-05:00

I decided this week to cancel my Netflix membership, or should I say Quikster or whatever the hell they’ve decided to call the DVD portion of their service now.

A few months ago when Netflix first announced they were going to split the pricing plans for streaming and DVD offerings, I like most of their customers was not happy about it mainly because it was a significant cost increase if you wanted to keep the equivalent level of service. That move cost them a lot of customers for sure, but apparently not so much apparently that they can’t afford to piss off the remaining ones yet again and so soon.

I actually believe that Netflix has the right idea with what it seems they are trying to do which is why I didn’t close my account the first time around. Unfortunately, they are shitting on their customers to get where they think they need to be, the same customers who’ve made their business a success and that they will need to hold on to if they hope to be successful in the future. Netflix suck! Why? Because people like instant gratification! This is not their business. Even if you get your DVD in a day it may be a day too late for some which is why streaming movies direct to your TV or set-top box is definitely the future. Everyone’s getting into that business now. And I for one would look forward to the convenience of not having to mail movies back and forth. But DVDs are far from dead, and they won’t be for a long while.

My main issue with Netflix now is not just the price, but the offerings. They offer the latest DVDs yes, but several of the new releases are not available for a month after they come out. That shit doesn’t go over very well, not with me at least. It has to do with some sort of deal they had to work out with the movie studios, a deal I understand because I’m one of those people they are targeting. I buy lots of DVDs, but the best part of Netflix is that I can screen a lot of the new releases before spending my hard earned money. Hollywood doesn’t even try to make good movies anymore, they just regurgitate slop and put it on a pretty plate, then expect us to slobber that up and say “yummy, thank you very much” as the uncomfortable slime coats the back of our throats and leaves a nasty aftertaste. I got tired of buying movies only to find out that the previews are the best part of the movie after some clever editing, sometimes so clever that the previews included scenes that were eventually cut from the actual movie, even the extended version most DVDs absolutely must have these days. WTF! So, I like to order the movie on Netflix first, and if it’s garbage I never have to worry about seeing it again, and all it cost me was the time I spent watching it that I wish I could get back. But at least I still have my money, and if it’s good then I go buy that DVD for sure. Well the studios don’t like that, because they know people like instant gratification and they count on that urge to grab the movie soon as it’s available to help pad their pockets. If that doesn’t happen, they make maybe 14 instead of 15 billion dollars this year, or something ridiculous like that? So I know why Netflix has that deal with the studios, I even understand, but I don’t care, especially when it’s available not just in the store but on on-demand from your cable or satellite provider.

The feature I like most about Netflix though is where their service is most lacking… the streaming offerings. They’re not going to stream the latest releases, I guess it’s cost prohibitive for them if even allowed under their agreements with the studios. I hate having to search so hard to find one shit movie to watch that’s worth my monthly fee now, and there are good movies out there that aren’t new releases. I don’t mind watching a stupid movie every once in a while, but most of what they offer via streaming are just that, stupid movies. Here’s the thing Netflix! Your customers want better options for instant gratification, and for the price that had better start happening and fast. You want your business to evolve and keep up with the times and that’s fine, but what kind of business do you have left if you wipe your ass with your loyal customers and flush them down the toilet with the rest of the crap? Yeah, I’m definitely ditching the DVD portion of my membership. As for the streaming, I will give it a few months and see if the offerings get any better.

-Konscious Vybz

Drive

2011-09-17T01:46:00.001-05:00

I saw Drive earlier today, or rather yesterday now. If you love movies with a lot of over the top car chase scenes and spectacular crashes, this is not for you. If you like intelligent, well written stories that are still fun to watch on screen, you’ve got it. The story, the action, and the stunts are believable because they are realistically done and beautifully filmed. From the first scene I love how the rev of the engine seems to dominate but not so much that you can’t still hear the radio in the background. It doesn’t sound like the sound was dubbed specifically to make the scene more exciting, it sound realistic, as if you’re really in the car. And although there’s a love story there, I appreciate not having to watch a little x-rated action. It wasn’t warranted.

My only disappointment about this film is that I expected a lot more intense driving in a movie called “Drive”, and maybe that’s my own fault because that’s what I’ve come to expect from Hollywood.

-Konscious Vybz

Is Obesity A Disability Now?

2011-09-17T00:23:00.001-05:00

Here’s what’s been on my mind the past few days. Is obesity a disability now? So many Americans are obese and maybe the cause is environmental or something else that’s altogether out of anyone’s control. In some instances though, it would appear that the cause is more self induced than anything else. Consider this for example: I read this article earlier in the week about a man who is suing White Castle because he is too large to fit in their booth-style seating. If you haven’t already, check it out for yourself. This distinguished gentleman is suing under the Americans with Disabilities Act claiming that his obesity is in fact a disability, and apparently this is a common occurrence with lawsuits these days.

There are so many things wrong with this that I don’t even know where to begin. According to the article he’s been eating White Castle burgers since 1959 and was first embarrassed in 2009 when he realized his “girth” could no longer fit into the booth. Most people would have taken this as a cue to either (a) stop eating so many White Castle burgers, or (b) start some sort of an exercise program, at least go for an occasional walk or something, or (c) try both? Instead, he files a suit against the chain because he loves those burgers so much he just can’t stop eating them, so he expects them to modify their seating to fit his still growing ass and stomach. And although he was now too embarrassed to dine-in anymore, he wasn’t too embarrassed to stop eating their burgers so he’s been sending his wife to get them for him. He wasn’t embarrassed enough to want to change his growing waistline.

Understand, there are people out there with real disabilities who sadly are discriminated against daily and need the protection the ADA provides. There are also people out there who are overweight for any number of reasons (maybe even with similar stories to his) who themselves are unfairly discriminated against and discrimination of any kind is always wrong. This guy however is an example of why those people with legitimate claims have a hard time getting their real issues addressed and taken seriously. I am not suggesting by any means that it’s okay to discriminate against anyone because you feel as if the reason they’re the target of discrimination is of their own fault. Discrimination of any kind is simply wrong! I just don’t see how what he has experienced amounts to actual discrimination. Let him eat as many burgers as he wants, that’s his choice. Sometimes our choices have consequences though. I imagine they would be happy to sell him as many burgers as he wants at any given time. And since he’s claiming ADA status, I would even bet the store has a handicap ramp so he doesn’t feel forced to climb a single step on his way to the counter.

Maybe there’s more to this story that we simply don’t know yet. Like maybe he plans to show evidence that White Castle is sneaking a secret ingredient into their burgers to make them addictive, sort of like nicotine in cigarettes or crack cocaine. Otherwise, this sounds like a self-induced problem which requires his attention mostly, and not so much theirs. Then again maybe he has the right idea. I mean, America is filled with fat people now, you see them everywhere, so if companies want to do business in America why shouldn’t they adapt to accommodate the growing size of the average American? Maybe his next feat will be to sue Diamler over their Smart car for discrimination because fat ass Americans can’t fit into one. Or he may sue the airlines because they still don’t provide a seat to comfortably cushion oversized posteriors. Sue the toilet paper manufacturers because they don’t make an extra wide version for the new definition of the average American Joe. I could keep going but what’s the point really?

I admire anyone who recognizes they have a problem and want to get the kind of help they need to make it right. I despise when their first reaction is to blame everyone but themselves for something that likely could have been prevented if they had done just a little bit more to try and help themselves. Whatever your affliction it’s no reason for you to be discriminated against, but it also doesn’t make you entitled to special treatment and privileges beyond reason.

I don’t imagine White Castle (or any restaurant chain for that matter) could ever make the booths the right size now. In the end, this will likely be settled out of court for an undisclosed amount, probably a lifetime supply of White Castle burgers. Long term, that has to be a win-win for both parties involved. Don’t you think?

-Konscious Vybz

Daddy Daycare

2011-09-10T14:34:00.001-05:00

It's been about three weeks now. The kids and I have been home, me doing Daddy Daycare and loving every challenging and sleep deprived moment of it. But this didn't happen by choice; it happened out of necessity and for the first time I felt lucky to be out of a job right now. This was the kind of necessity that wasn't really necessary to begin with, but unfortunately the world is filled with the daft and the dense masquerading as regular people among us. I’ve gone back and forth with talking about this, writing this entry and sharing it with you all. And I had some reservations but finally I thought, why the hell not?
I won’t discuss the details or give background here because it’s not necessary. It’s irrelevant to the point I want to make. And this is a delicate matter that has to be handled accordingly. There are innocents involved and they mean a lot to me. I want to be sure I do them justice with every sentence, phrase, word, and even punctuation placement. It is that important to me, and to them. I also don’t want you, the reader, to get lost in the details of the back story. I want you to keep your objectivity and not be affected by emotions not necessarily related to this specific incident. I don’t want to sway you for or against my argument. This isn’t an episode of Law and Order, and I don’t need to muddy the facts with other details to prove my case.
I was sitting at home about three Tuesdays ago feeling sorry for myself when the phone rings. It’s my wife. As I answered, immediately I could tell she was not happy. It’s not hard at all to tell when my wife’s not happy. It was about 1:30 that evening. I remember because my son was at the Elementary school that day instead of daycare and I was getting ready to leave to pick him up at 2:30. She didn’t even say hello or greet me in any other way as she usually does. All she said in a sort of a hushed yell, I imagine so her cubicle mates at work wouldn’t hear too much of her conversation, was “They are kicking him out of daycare!” “What?” I asked, confused. “Robert just called me; they don’t want us to bring him to daycare tomorrow they are kicking him out!” Robert is one of the daycare owners, along with his wife Pam. My son had only been attending this daycare since December of last year. We moved him from his previous daycare which honestly we were mostly satisfied with the service and attention he got there but because of a change with my job that moved me to a new work location and with my wife expecting our second it made pickup and drop off extremely difficult and inconvenient. My wife is also finishing her Master’s degree (yeah, she’s a great multi-tasker unlike myself) and takes classes a couple days a week, and I happily do as much of the heavy lifting as I can especially where the kids are concerned. This new daycare he was attending allowed me to do just that so she could remain focused on her classes. We thought we did our due diligence in seeking out a place that would provide at least the same level of service we had become accustomed to if not better. Pam said all the right things during our tour and my son really seemed to enjoy the facilities. We were sold!
From what Robert had to say to my wife when he called that afternoon, they were kicking him out because he was too much for them to handle and they just didn’t have the resources to deal with him or to add an additional teacher to his classroom. This came as a complete surprise to us because we had heard no complaints prior. A few months back they expressed some concerned but all those issues were resolved, I thought. In fact, we thought things were going rather well now because they had even moved him to the next class (well overdue) just the week before. We make a point to ask how he’s doing both at drop off and pick-up time, and they also provide a daily reports at pickup, and through none of these interactions with the staff did we have any hint that there was an issue. In addition, Robert was quick to point out that one of the teachers was pregnant and had shown concerns. The only problem is my son was no longer in her class. In fact, this was to be his second week in his new class with all new teachers and he seemed to be getting along fine there. And my wife called him on that. Then this dick had the nerve to suggest that they lost a good teacher because of my boy. Yes! This douche bag suggested that someone quit their job because of my son, rather than maybe they couldn’t hack it. Since I knew whom he was referring to without him mentioning names I already knew that person quit for other personal reasons, not the least of which was her inability to do the job. So how classy is that? He also suggested that it was okay to keep our baby girl there though they would understand if we chose not to. Uh, you think?
The fact is, daycares dismiss kids all the time for whatever reason, and believe it or not that’s not what I’ve taken real issue with. I take issue with two things. The first is the turnaround time between their notification that he had to leave and when they wanted him to be gone… way less than 24 hours. It’s not as if he was at the daycare that day and did something that simply warranted immediate expulsion, so obviously they had been thinking about this sometime in advance. The second is with the complete lack of feedback, or proper communication for that matter, from either of the daycare owners as to why they had come to this decision and so abruptly. We are at their facility at least twice every day AND one or both of them are often there as well when we come by. Yet they chose to call and talk to my wife over the phone. In fact, they went out of their way to not talk to any of us in person, me especially when I was there to pick up my baby girl that evening, and again a week later when I stopped by to get a few items left behind. I went by that evening right after picking up my son from the Elementary school to grab his things, my daughter and all her things. Robert was sitting in the office right by the front door with the office door wide open and maybe they weren’t expecting one of us to come by so soon after they called. Regardless, on any other occasion that I stop by they can clearly see and hear from within the office that someone came in, and unless they are in a meeting with someone else or on the phone (which he absolutely wasn’t) they would look up and acknowledge who’s there and say hello. This time, none of that as clearly he was not interested in making eye contact or saying a word. My car was also parked right outside the office windows when I pulled up, maybe he didn’t notice that either before I walked in or the several times I went back and forth loading the car. I made several trips back and forth to and from the car passing his office each time and again, no acknowledgement of my presence. And I stopped in the hallway just outside his office door to inform one of the staff that my daughter would not be back either and still he made no effort to acknowledge me. In all fairness he probably had a very good game of solitaire going and simply couldn’t afford to be distracted. A week or so later though I stopped by to grab the kids blue cards and some other items left behind and this time Pam was sitting at the front desk immediately as I walked in, and again, she handed me an envelope but didn’t speak to me at all. Instead she spoke directly to one of her staff at the desk to grab the rest of the stuff for me. Truthfully I wasn’t looking forward to really starting a conversation with anyone on either occasion because as I told my wife that fateful Tuesday afternoon, they already screwed up by handling this via phone and not having much to say regarding why that made any sort of sense. So I knew that not only would they not want to talk in person, but also that they lacked the professionalism to begin to know where to start or to have anything meaningful to say at this point. I would have respected them a lot more if they had simply told it like it is… that this is a business and it’s cheaper to let him go.
People like to say a lot that children all are the future, and what they actually mean is “your children are my immediate future” especially when they get to milk parents for all they can with promises they can’t and worse never intend to keep. It’s easy to make those promises especially when lots of money is involved. I never thought I had it in me to save much money, then my son was born and I found myself cutting back drastically on other frivolities and paying daycare expenses in addition to all the other expenses that come with raising any child. The daycare part is just a fraction of that cost, yet each year I spend enough on daycare alone to buy a new compact car outright with cash. That’s a hefty chunk of change and you never really question the cost and sacrifices as long as you believe you’re doing the right things for your kids. When the kids first started at this new daycare back in December of last year things were great. The main difference between now and then though was that the classrooms were much smaller with fewer kids and as a result the child to caregiver ratio was much lower. He started with only five other kids in his class. Business for them was noticeably slower back then. And, I had even talked to a couple people who had used that daycare before and didn’t like it for their kids but they had changed their name since then, no longer a franchise, and they really seemed to have revamped their image. But we’ve had a couple daycares in town close overnight recently, and so business has picked up quite a bit for them since then with several parents scrambling to find a place for this child. Now, with lots more kids in the room all of a sudden mine was too much of a handful? Coincidence? Not really, in fact Robert as much as admitted in his own words that this was more about the money than anything else. Not the welfare of my child or any of the other children under their care. Because he said they didn’t have the resources to handle him and couldn’t afford to add another teacher to that class. Suddenly it wasn’t difficult to find children to fill their classrooms so getting rid of my son was an easy decision to make. Now a daycare is a business and so like any other business they have to make money too. And if they genuinely don’t have the resources to care for my child, he does need to find someplace else to be. So again, it may surprise you that I have no issue with that either. I have a serious issue though with bitch asses who can’t look me in the eye and talk to me as an adult, and with realizing that I’ve been entrusting the welfare of my child to such a person for a while now.
There’s a lot of red tape involved with starting and running a daycare. I know because I checked years ago when my son was born and I was doing research to figure out what things to look for and questions to ask before choosing a place. I wanted to be sure a place wasn’t a daycare simply because they said so. There are lots of risks and liability issues involved but it is in fact big money, and greed often trumps these concerns. Ideally you want people who are in the daycare business, or any sort of child care for that matter, to actually give a damn about kids – in my opinion. But all too often now I’ve found that’s not the case. I also see this all the time, not just with daycare, but with the school system and social workers and others who are supposed to provide for kids need. Some of them are people I’ve known for years who got into the field to make a difference and to help. Now, they hate their jobs and are content to do enough just to collect a paycheck especially in this economy. To hear them talk about their work makes me sad for the kids they are supposed to help. And maybe it’s a byproduct of the government regulations, or working within the confines of the system, of realizing that you can’t help as much as you thought you would be able to, or just because it’s not easy to move on to another job these days. But it doesn’t matter how bad the kids are or that the system sucks; it matters that you do the best job you can to at least try and help them. This is why we did our homework before choosing a place for OUR kids. When we (my wife and I) first vetted daycares for my son we visited several locations here in town and many of them which may be considered very fine facilities got disqualified over little things that may seem ridiculous to some but I simply did not feel comfortable with. Maybe in some instances it was because I was a first time father, but now I have my daughter too and I feel exactly the same way for the most part so I don’t think so. Maybe I just have a stick up my ass. Call it whatever you like but these are MY kids and I can’t hand them over to just anyone for a few hours. I have to be cautious, to a fault if necessary. For example, we visited one daycare and noticed one of the teachers in the infant room was warming up a bottle for a baby in a re-used Steak Out drink cup filled with warm water. Now, maybe it was an isolated incident and maybe not, but it happened where we could clearly see and the person giving us the tour should have noticed and said something at the time. These places make enough money to not have to warm up a bottle in a re-used cup from someone’s lunch break. There’s no world in my book where this is sanitary or acceptable at home, much less in a child care facility.
I can tell now that maybe they did in the beginning but now this daycare didn’t care much about my son or even about his parents beyond collecting payment due. First is the quick turnaround on removing him from their facility. I wouldn’t be surprised if they had another child lined up to fill that slot or the slot was already filled while he was out that week on Monday and Tuesday. If you’ve dealt with daycares you know how difficult it is to not just find a quality facility, but to find ANY that has an opening available on short notice. In most cases you have to get on a waiting list well in advance. You can’t order up one like a happy meal and get exactly what you want immediately. So losing that convenience literally overnight is a very big deal and if you are a household with two working parents, or worse a single parent, chances are someone will need to take time off from work until other daycare arrangements can be made, or you can try to hire a nanny (something else that costs and takes time with interviews, background checks etc.) again on short notice to watch the kids while you work, and you likely have to work to cover those expenses so you can’t risk losing your job taking too much time off. As I said earlier, this is one time I’m glad I am not working because the kids stay home with me and I always enjoy spending time with them. It completely screws with my regular routine and my honey-do list is on hold right now but my family always comes first, no matter what. So in that respect it worked out for us, but others may not be so lucky. Imagine now if I had decided to pull my kids from the daycare, they would require some advance notice. And since I had already paid for the full month, they would have been happy to compensate themselves for their inconvenience. When I pulled him from his last day care, we had to give them thirty days’ notice. They need to be compensated for having to fill that spot I guess, but no one is really that concerned with any inconvenience to us, the parents, when they decide a child has to go.
But what bothers me the most is the phone call rather than an in person meeting, and the lack of feedback as to a real reason why my son was no longer welcome there. If I play Devil’s advocate and suppose my son is an angel at home but a fallen angel at daycare, and he went Chucky (hope I’m not dating myself with that reference… lol) on those poor unsuspecting bastards and simply terrorized them to where he simply had to go immediately. The thing is I would never know. If you are in the child care business and genuinely care about the kids in your care, you sit with the parents and explain why they can’t bring their child back, document incidents that led you to your decision, and see to it that the parents are fully informed in case there’s something they need to know and address that could be potentially serious. Your kid may not be going Chucky on you at home right now, but maybe he’s warming up for his big finale later and by then it’s too late for your ass. So it’s the professional and responsible thing to do – in my opinion. Some parents won’t want to hear anything bad about their kids and refuse to listen. We are not those parents that refuse to listen; in fact we couldn’t be easier to talk to. Still even the most difficult of parents to talk to deserve at the very least an attempt at reaching out to them as well. Don’t just run them away and hope they take their child to a new facility and unleash whatever it is that was a “problem” for you on another unsuspecting facility. I know that’s not my son, not just because of his interactions with us at home, but his interactions with others in general and also at the Elementary school. And whatever concerns were present when we signed him up at this daycare they were discussed extensively and everyone was in agreement that it wouldn’t be a problem. But obviously something about him bothered them enough to change their mind now, and if it’s more than just about the money for them I wish they had taken the time to say just exactly what that was.
At his previous daycare before we moved him to this new facility, the staff there took a great deal of interest in his care and development and it showed. If there were ever any concerns by us or them either one could request a meeting to sit and talk about it. We met before each transition from one room to another to talk about his progress so far, and the transition happened in a phased manner with the child spending just a couple hours in the new classroom to observe how they were adapting the first few days before they were then moved fulltime. They weren’t perfect and I’m sure he was a handful for them too, but they never kicked him out. We hated having to move him but that’s how life is sometimes especially when you are a slave to your job. You sometimes have to make compromises that may not work out to be in everyone’s best interest long term. And it’s my fault for not doing my homework and not paying more attention to what was really going on with him. Never again!
I thank them now because I’ve learned a valuable lesson from this. If you need to put your kids in daycare and want to be sure they get the best care possible, take the time and do your homework, not just before you choose a location but for as long as your kids are there. Homework is an everyday thing as parents and we can’t afford to slack off and miss assignments. I’ve also learned that if you live in Huntsville, Alabama and are looking for a quality daycare for your child, Cambridge Academy is NOT the best option – in my opinion!
-Konscious Vybz

Why I love scrapbooking!

2011-09-01T18:00:00.003-05:00

When my wife first told me she wanted to do scrapbooking, I didn't fully understand just what that meant, but I remember thinking "Great! She found a hobby, and maybe now she'll let me pursue one of mine... like a motorcycle!" Didn't work that way! Not only that, I quickly figured out that scrapbooking is probably a more expensive hobby than owning a motorcycle. But as she put's it, it's a lot less dangerous, and after a few years together I'm well trained now so I know better than to argue with the wife as she's always right :).

Honestly, I love that she took up scrapbooking. It's an opportunity for preserving memories that the the kids will enjoy many years from now and that's something I never would have thought much of on my own outside of occasional videos and photos. It also means whenever the kids get certain projects for homework that involve anything arts and crafty they will likely ask mom waaaaay before they come to dad. Don't get me wrong I do have artistic sense but I'm more of a math and science guy... I'm an engineer after all. And yes I know all the horrible things they say about engineers but I digress.

The most challenging part about supporting her hobby is also the most rewarding for me. That's when she and her girlfriends occasionally get together for one of their scrapbooking parties and they don't want to be bothered by anyone or anything else. For me, that means spending time with the kids and taking care of everything they need. I love it because of all the time I get to spend with the kids alone. That to me is the best part. I need to know what the kids really like from an early age so I can practice bribing them. After all, I don't want to be the one quickly shipped off to a nursing home in my older years. I like to think I'm a good dad and I do try my best to be there as much as possible for my kids and her. But the truth is whenever I have the kids all to myself and have to do it all on my own, I am reminded of just how amazing she is for making it look so easy, and I appreciate all that she does for us even more.

You know, maybe I can show my appreciation by buying us his and her motorcycles?... Yeah, I didn't really think that would work either :). I better sleep on it...

-Konscious Vybz

Looking good from a far but far from good looking

2011-08-24T11:50:00.005-05:00

Looking good from a far but far from good looking!...

The first time I heard that phrase used I was a kid, and someone used it to describe a girl we both knew. It wasn't a very nice thing to say, but kids are cruel everyone knows this. At the time it was down right hilarious too. I said I was a kid, right? This is what I did... laugh at people over stupid shit. These days though, as an adult, hilarious not so much, and more importantly it isn't really being applied in the same manner either. These days those very words can best be used to describe my so-called life, and maybe yours too. From a far, to the untrained eye everything looks pretty damn good. But on closer inspection, you start to see all the cracks and flaws and things don't look so attractive anymore.

I do have a good life, just not as good for me as it seems to you. It's one thing for people who aren't in the know who don't have to live MY life to think things are all good. It's another for me to see that reflection and start to believe it myself. It's easy to get complacent, to lie to yourself and say that everything is all good. It's easier than facing our flaw, our faults, our fears and insecurities, the things that are supposed to make us stronger and help us grow. But no matter how good your life may be, how comfortable things seem and how easy we find it to compromise and SETTLE for the way things are, it never takes much for the whole thing to start to fall apart. And that's what is happening with me these days.

When you start to lie to yourself, to start believing that you're happy living the life that everyone else believes is perfect for you though it isn't really you, there are sacrifices that inevitably are made. A huge part of that sacrifice is your own identity and the things that you love the most about being you. For me one of those things is writing. I've always enjoyed reading and writing and there was a time I was really good at it. People think it's funny that I'm an engineer (maybe I should say was but we'll come back to that) because most engineers have all the technical but no social or communication skills. I have all three. That's not a brag, it's a fact! But in my search for happiness, I managed to give up the things that have always made me happy. I realized this a while ago, but I was too chicken to mess with the life I had carved out for myself now and damn it, I worked hard for it and I was going to make it work.

I started at this blog a long time ago but as I've said before never really posted anything. Back then I knew I was missing something, and I wanted so much to write again because that always worked for me. I didn't know if I could write as well as I used to but it didn't matter. I know I didn't nurture my talent the way I should have and I will never be as good now as I probably could have truly been. But this wasn't about that. It was about reconnecting with something that has always defined me. Yet I let my life and my fears of losing certain comforts get in the way. For one thing I was worried about losing my job. I worked for an international company known world wide and they are very protective of their image. I'm not so protective of my own, I am who I am. But I knew that some of the things I may say might offend some and reflect badly on them possibly costing my job. I knew that inevitably while I would never discuss my work or what I do I would talk about some of the morons I worked with. I fucking worked with engineers so how could I not? I would talk about how nasty some of these people are, how they feel that as long as they don't touch the lever to flush when they use the restroom it's okay to walk out without washing their hands, and you're rude when you refuse to shake their hands in a meeting later on. I would talk about that and so much more... still may, who knows.

When you're single or your only concern is for yourself, it's a little easier to recognize that you're simply making excuses and letting your fears take control of you. It's not any easier to change though because you're too busy trying to build the life everyone expects you to have. When you have a family to take care of things get even more complicated. Now you have to consider how your actions will affect them. So if you're going to grab the bull by the horns you need a plan that doesn't involve getting gored in the ass. I was too lazy and too afraid to make a plan and in the end I'm exactly where I was afraid I would be. The difference is I wasted a lot of time not pursuing real happiness. A few weeks ago I lost that job due to cutbacks. So now I find myself searching for something else to do, feeling as if I had driven aimlessly for so long never choosing an exit to take and decide on the direction I wanted my life to go in and now I finally ran out of road. Now I'm off in the ditch somewhere. I can either sit in the car and wait to be rescued, or I can get out and start walking in the direction I feel I need to be going, where I should have been going all along. Of course the journey would be a lot easier and more comfortable to drive, but right now I have to walk. I have to stand on my own two feet and make the effort on blind faith that real happiness isn't completely out of reach after so long. It feels like starting over which is always a scary thing, but I've needed this for a long time, and maybe if I had started it when I first realized I wouldn't have so much farther to go to get where I need to be.

So if you see me in the distance walking along, I'm sure at first glance things will look good. But as I get closer and things get clearer, the truth will become more evident. And the truth is, it may not look pretty but I'm happier than I've been in a very long time about where I'm going and the journey I'm now on.

-Konscious Vybz

self pleasuring...

2011-08-01T22:40:00.002-05:00

I'm not sure what etiquette dictates, or even if such a thing applies here. I should probably make my first post an introduction of some sort. Maybe a little about myself, or at least about what this blog is about. But you look at the blogger profile you'll see it say I've been blogging since 2008, and yet somehow this is my first post. I've been wanting to blog since 2008, and in fact way before that, but I haven't. I haven't had time... rather, I haven't made time... I've made excuses... for why I couldn't, or didn't. So it's a little late to be doing introductions.

I'm pretty sure this blog isn't being viewed by anyone but myself now. If there was some poor soul out there holding out hope I may actually start writing something, they gave up a long time ago. In the time that has passed I've missed out on a lot of opportunities to talk about a lot of sh*t that might even have been vaguely interesting read for some. Now, I will have to resort to pleasing myself... self pleasuring... sounds so wrong when I think about it, but at least it will make me feel good... and that's all that really matters.

-Konscious Vybz